This is probably the hardest blog I’ve ever had to write. A half of me wanted to drop a blank page for y’all this week with a single sentence “How do you expect me to understand a woman’s mind?” But, against my better judgment, I’ve decided to try. Guys hold your horses- No… I’m not about to unlock the famous mystery called-“A woman’s mind” because despite believes and evidence to the contrary, I am not Houdini. Most of what I’ll state you probably already know. Now, let me state my qualifications again:
As a self-proclaimed human psychologist and a guy who probably knows a thousand ladies, be rest assured that what I’m about to tell you is legit. Or partly. It’s harder discerning the female’s trend of thoughts for numerous reasons such as a.) It’s very difficult getting a lady to truly open up to you, sometimes even when they think they are saying their true thoughts, they aren’t. b.) In comparison to their male counterparts, women are too diverse. Pinpointing characteristics that are predominant in most females is very difficult. c.) More importantly, I am not a female. I would have been able to add my own point of view to the analysis… But hey, I’ll try working with what I have. So while in the previous blog I declared the characteristics being exhibited by at least 80% of the male gender, I’ll put this one at 65%. Yes, let me make it clearer, these thinking habits apply to 65% of females- or more. One problem I’ll probably encounter is that most of my female readers after reading this will debunk most of the points because of…
- Self Deceit.
This is a recurring weakness in most humans but more predominant in the female folk. Most females’ minds are stubborn to a fault. If they believe something, especially about themselves, they’ll believe it no matter any evidence to the contrary. Most of you females are reading this right now and shaking your head ‘that’s not me’… But ironically, you’re making my point. That’s why it’s a no brainer getting into an argument with a lady, it’s almost always impossible to win because she’ll never accept you’re right- never believe that she’s wrong. That’s why I said earlier that sometimes when they think they’re saying their true thoughts, they aren’t. For instance, time and time again… I notice a female friend getting too cozy with a guy and I point out, ‘you like this guy!’ She denies vehemently, I usually keep pointing it out and she keeps denying. Then months later they kiss or something and she goes ‘Dozie, I love him.’ Or like it happened in one case, found out the dude was toasting other girls and she launched into sorrowful tears for hours- either way proving what had been obvious for a long time which they had chosen to deny, even to themselves. Hey ladies, I ain’t beefing you… Just stating facts. And I know not all of you are bullheaded, I did say 65%. You might be one of the 35… But you thinking you aren’t one of these might actually be the proof that you are!
- She craves to be heard
I remember some years back in my teen days, we guys were having one of those discussions about toasting when one guy declared that the best way to strike a conversation with a girl was to ask her to “tell you her story.” He said he had tried it numerous times and it worked. At the time I believed him… Thank God I never got into a situation where I needed to try it! Daft as the line may be, he did have the inkling of a point. Many- painfully too many- times, I have witnessed a guy on a date doing all or most of the talking. My nigga, unless you’re real cute, rich or lucky, that kind of date is certain to end up a disaster. Every guy should know this point I’m about to state. And this applies to not just 65% but 95% of females. The easiest way to have a smooth date and get a female comfortable (after making her smile) is to make her talk! Regardless of what the topic is, make sure it’s something she’s conversant with and make sure she does most of the talking- You don’t even really have to pay attention, just make sure you act like you’re following and you put in a few comments and related experiences once in a while. Why? Because every female craves to be heard! They want you to listen and that is the best way they can get comfortable with you. Trust me, it always works. Make her smile, make her talk… Those are the most basic rules of engagement. So next time you’re with a lady and you’re clueless on what to say, ask her to “tell you her story” and when she gives you that weird look, remember that I stated that that line was some lying teenager’s idea.
- Never judge her from afar.
I keep making this error repeatedly. Now, nearly every good looking sister looks arrogant and snobbish from afar. What? With the way they sway while walking or the way they hold their heads high, we can’t be blamed for concluding- can we? But, brother, don’t ever try to judge a lady’s attitude or reaction without meeting and conversing with her in person. Time and time again, I mentally tag a pretty female I see around as snobbish and I ponder and ponder how to accost her and gain her acquaintance. And then something gets us talking (or I just approach head on) and the way she’s replying I start wondering if perhaps she craved meeting me more than I wanted to meet her. I’ve known girls who outwardly look pompous but are just very shy or very nice, I’ve known some who would smile at anyone, anytime but would show you the definition of arrogance should you venture closer. I’ve known females who flirtatiously jump around with guys and talk lewdly and wild but are actually virgins whose only experience in matters they discuss comes from reading Danielle Steel and I have seen females who look, dress and act the saint but behind closed doors pull their pants faster than Usain Bolt’s per second speed. In a nutshell, my point is don’t try to judge a female from what you see afar- or what you hear of her. You have to go up close and personal because that babe you’ve been scared to talk to, might just be dying to smile at you. Speaking of smiles…
- Greenlight or not?
Shoutout to those guys who see a girl smiling at them and instantly decipher that she’s into them. Let me reiterate a quote from the previous blog for yours sincerely- The world does not revolve around you! Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes, she’s really smiling to give you the heads up, but sometimes, she’s just being polite! I recall back in my secondary school days, I had many girls staring at me… *Holds chest up* Yes! This is where I brag… Anyway, later on, I was made to believe that those eyes were staring because they were tripping for me. Then few years later I received my first bouncing when I confidently tried to toast a girl without any initial groundwork because I had repeatedly caught her stealing glances at me. Now I’m wiser, I know for a certain that not all the females staring are staring because they like me. A friend in my Uni even confided in me that she stares at people she hates. These days, I even get scared when I notice eyes hovering on me, female or not. One can’t discern the reasoning behind the stares. So brother, not every female that stares at you is actually admiring you. She might even think your face is real ugly or funny and be staring for her own personal amusement. But then, it’s a very huge possibility that she’s staring because she has a crush on you. Speaking of crushes…
- Crush and Love are Different things
This a female phenomenon I have noticed but not completely understood. I’ve witnessed it happen numerous times. A girl has a crush on a guy. Somehow, someway, they get to meet and eventually the guy asks her out… And she says no! When I inquired the reason from a close female friend, her reply was ‘I liked him when he was just a crush.’ What that means, I have no idea. It would seem that sometimes what a female likes in a crush is having a crush, the pleasure of liking someone from afar, someone unattainable, and then he comes closer and the jinx is broken. Did I explain it well? Hey, I told you it still confuses me.
- It’s very easy for her to hate.
One of the easiest things in this world to acquire from a female is dislike. She doesn’t have to know you well, she might never have spoken to you before, yet something you did unknowingly, said unknowingly, wore unknowingly could land you on her hate list. And it’s common knowledge that women are the anchors of malice. A woman hardly forgives and never forgets. It’s happened to me on several occasions, I’m sure there are some I never found out about. One said she greeted me once and I ignored her greeting (FYI. I never snob), I was lucky in her case I found out when one day I tried to shake her and had my hands left hanging in the air and when I pressed on she declared openly “I don’t like you.”… All because of some greeting I most likely didn’t hear. Anyway, whenever I find out I’m in a lady’s ‘book of the unbeloved’ I usually make sure she likes me eventually. Alas, it’s not that hard because…
- It’s a thin line between love and hate
Because it’s a thin line between love and hate, especially for the female mind. What do I mean? I mean it’s pretty easy to turn the tables… Change her from disliking to liking you. From hating to loving. I think the reason is because whether loving or hating, both involves dedicating emotions to that particular person thus a slight change of heart makes it flip the other way. Yes, Harlequin (see? I spelled it right this time) and Mills and Boon got this one right. Even when she thinks she dislikes a guy and ‘doesn’t care about what he does’ she’s dedicating some antagonistic emotions to him. Especially when it’s a dislike he gained from afar, all he needs to do is get closer and show her a good side shikena.
- Be Direct
As much as females themselves beat around the bush, they mostly prefer a man who doesn’t. Females are dons at hiding their emotions. If you’re not gonna take the bull by the horn and make a move, things wouldn’t change. I believe that even the purported ‘friend zone’ is an imaginary scenario created by the guy’s inability to be direct. And the cure, I believe is being direct! No need for talk or ask out (If you even had the guts to), asking out gives her the chance to consider maybe she just wants you as a friend… Direct action (e.g. an unplanned kiss) makes her see you from a different point of view. Even in first meets, instead of stupid pickup lines just be direct and say what’s on your mind. It has always worked for me anyways.
- These gals ain’t loyal!
Oh, my bad! That’s just a song, not a point.
Why are y’all still here anyways? Waiting for me to end with some kinda punchline?