“Of all the poems written on the subject of unrequited love, there are so few on being the object of that affection. The truth is… it’s not love on which the strongest foundations are built. It’s the decency of merciful lies.” Klaus Mikaelson (The Originals s02 ep10)
As much as the three worded phrase ‘I love you’ is exalted for its mammoth effects on the human mind, I think that the prerequisite response phrase, ‘I love you too,’ is just as important and the effects of the absence thereof, even worse than the effects of ‘I love you’. That might have been too much grammar or too confusing, I’ll break it down in a bit, I promise. But let’s quickly talk about the moment… Or the just departed moment. To put it in one phrase, how went your valentine’s day?
My record of valentine day celebrations is as woeful as anyone’s could possibly be. I literally have never really celebrated the day- ever. In 2011, I recorded a track for Val’s day-ironically. In the track, I sang to an imaginary girlfriend explaining to her that to me, every day with her was a val’s day so everyday should be special and not just the 14th of February. Now I think of it, it seems I was just trying to justify my woeful record. Anyway, the studio producer somehow managed to delay the production of the song till the evening of the 14th and I never got a chance to publicize the song except to my close friends and so, that ship sailed. The closest I’ve gotten to celebrating Valentine was in 2013 when I was at a friend’s place on the evening of Valentine’s eve and his sister and some of her friends were around. Again looking back, I don’t think the gals were actually single. I surely was single as was my friend but the gals, I’m beginning to suspect they just didn’t have their boyfriends readily available at the time and so chose the next best thing. Anyway, someone brought up the notion of us having an ‘Anti-Valentine’s day party’ and we morons cheered to the idea. Booze was bought in good quantity, shisha pots etc. I think some more friends even came over. There was booze, music and babes… And yet the party’s euphoria didn’t last an hour. I recall the sorrowful ending- that night around 1am, I and another guy idly roaming the streets, each of us holding a big half emptied bottle of whiskey and despite how high I was, I was still cognizant of the desperate loneliness of my situation.
Seriously, you guys gotta pray for me. I need to get my love life kicking and have a sensible val experience to talk about come next year.
Anyway, how was yours?
Back when ‘Two and Half Men’ still had Two and a half men and Charlie Sheen (no hating Ashton but you just ain’t Charlie), I remember in one episode, a lady was leaving Charlie’s crib in the morning- if you’ve watched any episode I shouldn’t have to state what happened at night- and she said, “Charlie, I love you.”
He smiled kissed her and replied, “Thank you.”
They both walked to the door, hand in hand and then just as she stepped out the door, she paused and turned back.
“Charlie, I said I love you.”
He stared confused, “I heard. Thank you.”
Without going through all the gory details about what happened to him immediately after, let’s delve into the topic of the day. Like my startup quote suggests, a lot of attention has been brought on unrequited love but it’s always one sided. There are probably a billion songs about not being loved back or trying to make someone love you back, I can think of only very few songs about someone who’s sad because he/she can’t return a love given. So today, I’m not here to talk about that sad sad person who didn’t get the “I love you too” response. I’m here to talk about that sad person who couldn’t reply “I love you too.”
So let’s cover some basics real quick. Let me drop the first shocker. No doubt, right now my female readers’ minds are probably racing through the million times they’ve heard ‘I love you’ without responding but… I’ll like to inform you that the male folk get into this situation as much, or probably more than you do! Now, calm those rebellious thoughts in your head snorting at the possibility, let me explain. What we’re discussing here is more than just the words said, it’s about the genuine feelings therein. If you’ll recall in my blog From a Male’s Point of View, I pointed out that not every guy proclaiming love actually does love you. In fact the percentage of possible genuine intentions is very low. These days, guys fling the L word with complete disregard that many females aren’t even moved by it anymore. On the other hand, we all would agree that females are generally more emotionally vulnerable than males. Many-a-time, a guy trying to get a quickie wounds up having an obsessed girl on his plate. Sometimes, the words are left unsaid, but the feeling is obvious. Females usually setup an emotional wall, but once it yields to a guy, they easily give up their heart. Anyways, I’m not here to discuss male or female aspects.
Now not to brag but I’ve found myself in this situation a couple of times. And sadly, (despite my strong anti-lying policy), I in one case, repeatedly said ‘I love you too’ falsely. In my defense, I was then in a relationship with her and not replying that would have had, as you all no doubt know, calamitous effects. However, since that ended, I promised myself never to lie about that (or anything else) ever again and ever since then I haven’t uttered those words. Now when I find myself in the situation, I first point out that I like her, then I run her through a lengthy explanation of how I believe love is a process that emanates overtime from likeness, and that I rather not lie about something like that. I’m not entirely sure it helps- once it brought tears to the female’s eyes. A very sad moment it always is but I’ll rather not lie than instigate false hopes
Granted, many of us revel in such situations. Most gals enjoy having guys drool over them and guys feel like kings when a girl pleads for their love, but… but, perhaps a couple of you have been in the situation whereby someone you actually care for loves you, and you can’t return those feelings. And it hurts you badly to see the person hurting inside.
“I don’t wanna do this anymore, I don’t wanna be the reason why… I see him dying a little more inside, I don’t wanna hurt him anymore…” Rihanna (Unfaithful).
Sometimes, the words aren’t spoken. But the feeling is obvious, leaving you feeling a little bit awkward. We all know about the infamous ‘friend-zone’. But what happens when someone in your friend zone- who you see and like completely as a friend and nothing extra- declares love for you. And then you stare back, not being able to reciprocate the feelings and deep inside you feel sad, because you know that not only have you lost that friendship as it used to be, but you’re also tormenting a dear friend. We can thus relate with how Nicki feels every time Drake jumps on one of her songs and declares “I love Nicki Minaj.”
And those of you that don’t feel any pang of guilt or sorrow at not being able to love back, grow a heart!
It is said that no relationship can have 100% mutual love. According to the theory, in any relationship one person must have a higher degree of affection towards the other than vice versa. As a strong believer in love, I have to refute that theory. I do believe I would find love someday. And I do believe that the love I’ll share with her would be mutually strong and equal… Or too strong to even measure. I do believe that someday, I’ll genuinely say “I Love You Too.”
So, how many times have you falsely replied “I love you too?”
Have you ever been in the situation where you can’t reply it?
That’s the third question I’ve asked today, which brings me to the fourth and most important:
What do I have to do to get y’all to start commenting here???