Disclaimer: This is a personal analysis on the human tendency to cheat in a relationship by you know who. It’s not a debate but a constructed piece derived from years of observation and study so drop all sentiments before you proceed. Read this objectively.
If you’ve not had someone cheat on you (or you cheat on someone) in a relationship then you’re either in your early teens and haven’t really started dating, or you’ve somehow avoided dating so far, or you’re so naïve that you’ve been oblivious to your partners’ infidelity. Either that or you’re just one goddam lucky MF. Either way, cheating is a topic most of us have personal experience on either by seeing someone do it, been cheated on or—and I bet most of you reading this fall under this category—we’ve cheated on someone. So it’s this self-proclaimed psychologist again delving into the world of cheaters. Pay attention, you might learn a thing or two.
First things first, the first point in any research should be a definition, so…
What Is Cheating?
Google defines cheating as to “be sexually unfaithful.” But does that really encompass all aspects of cheating? Is it really only about having sex with someone else? What of the pious ones who are into platonic relationships until marriage?
I’ve met females who say they don’t expect their boyfriends or husbands to be faithful. Some are even aware of their partners’ acts but are comfortable simply being the official one. As long as he doesn’t bring anyone home, as long as she ends in my bed at night, I’m fine. So, for this sort of people would it be convenient to call it cheating when their partner has sex with someone else knowing they approve of it?
Like in the movie ‘5 to 7’ (If you haven’t watched it you really should, it’s an awesome movie), people are in open relationships whereby their spouses even know their lovers. What then would be considered as cheating in such a relationship?
I once asked a girl if she considered kissing as cheating (before she replied, I kissed and the kiss was reciprocated by the way, but that’s another subheading all together). So I’ll ask you all too. Is kissing, romancing, smooching someone else cheating?
Wikipedia seems to have a broader description for cheating:
“The definition of the constitution of cheating varies among cultures. When people are in a committed relationship, the definition of cheating is based on both parties’ opinions, and both parties may redefine their understanding to match the party at an either lower or higher extreme of this definition”
Moving on, of course after definition let us seek the reason.
Why Do People Cheat?
Ah! The golden question. Why, oh why, oh why? So I did a little research, and psychologists point to relationship issues or one partner not being satisfied—pretty much stuff we already know. I’m not curios why those in shaky relationships cheat, no one is. I’m curios why people in happy relationships, seemingly in love, cheat. I honestly don’t think most people go into relationships with any plans of cheating on their significant other. The problem, I think, is people don’t go into relationships planning not to cheat either. With guys there seems to be this unspoken rule that a guy should never turn down advances from a good looking sister, the guy being single or not doesn’t matter, you just don’t. Hardly, hardly, would you see a male in a relationship go to another town and act like they are taken. We atimes act like predators. Already filled, yet when another easy prey turns up we can’t avoid going for the kill.
So guys cheat more often than females? Ah! Slow down, we’re coming to that.
Sometimes—most times it’s not even about looks. Sometimes, it’s just simply because it’s someone else.
I asked a female friend of mine, who says she’s never cheated, a series of questions. At the end she realised it was possible she’ll cheat if she liked the person well enough. ‘Flesh fails us all,’ she said.
I think we just hit gold!
Lust is the primary cause of cheating.
Why do people cheat? Because they have lust.
Don’t we all? Well not everyone is strong enough to withstand it.
What about those in love?
Can Someone in Love Cheat?
I think so. I might not be correct, but let me put forth a good argument.
Take for instance we Christians. We all love God, yes? We all love Christ, yes? Yet we sin daily. Yet we fornicate repeatedly when it’s clearly against His wishes. Relax, I’m not here to preach. Just trying to make an analogy.
Now we love Christ, we really believe we do. But we let lust have the better of us and sin, we cheat on Him even though we love Him.
Oh, it’s not the same thing, you say?
No it isn’t. It’s kinda worse. I mean this guy loves you so much, he actually died for you.
Yes, I believe someone can cheat on a person he/she loves. I even believe I’ve witnessed such occurrence more than once.
Can someone in love double date or love two people at once?
At this point I draw the line. Double dating exceeds lust. It takes planning, calculation and decision making. I do not believe one can romantically love two people at the same time or one in love can have the conscience to date another. In the beginning there was only Adam and Eve… even the serpent couldn’t get in the way.
What is this boy saying? Is he telling me lust is stronger than love?
Is Lust stronger than Love?
Let’s use another illustration. This time let’s talk science.
We all know the force of Gravity. If you don’t know what that is, I seriously wonder how you found you way to this blog. Gravity is ‘the weakest of the four fundamental forces’. It is so weak, electromagnetic force is 1038 times stronger than it—that’s a 10 with 38 zeroes! Stay with me, non-science people, we’re heading somewhere. Now all the other forces have limits. Gravity is limitless. Electromagnetic currents eventually fade out—Gravity doesn’t. It holds everything. From the moon to the clouds, to the oceans to all living creatures, we all are held down by this said ‘weakest force’. It might have a very small quotient but from the macroscopic point of view it is by far the strongest.
Love could be equated to gravity—a fundamental force, limitless and unbounding, holding down all things. Then comes lust, that slight electromagnetic spark, that brief aeroplane that with its intensity and structure overpowering gravity. But only temporarily. All planes must eventually land. In the end gravity always prevails.
In the end, love should always prevail—except it wasn’t truly there in the first place.
Males or Females, Who Cheat More?
Sorry guys, I can’t take our side on this one. Yes, males cheat more, but there’s a legitimate scientific explanation for that. You see the hormone in humans responsible for sex urges or lust is called the testosterone and this hormone’s levels are about 7 to 8 times higher in males than in females. I kid you not!
Let me quote Wikipedia.
“Falling in love decreases men’s testosterone levels while increasing women’s testosterone levels counterparts… Men who produce more testosterone are more likely to engage in extramarital sex”
But do females cheat often?
When I was younger and much more naïve, I let simple reasons like a girl I liked having a boyfriend put me off. Then I got wiser and stopped caring, because it hardly ever mattered! Now I’ve been privy to and a participant to enough female cheating to boldly say cheating is not just a masculine frailty. I know of a trend rampant among ladies whereby they keep a boyfriend, or boyfriends for pleasure and a much more mature ‘marriage material’ person who they are in a ‘serious relationship’ with.
Granted, married men cheat way more than married women—but I think that’s partly because it’s infinitely easier for an aged man to woo a young lady than for an aged woman to woo a young man.
So young ladies, you should really start questioning yourselves.
Males or Females, Who Cheat Better?
Again the females win this one. For some reason they get away with it way easier than we do. Maybe we guys cheat too often, or brag about it too much while they do hit-and-runs. I don’t think I know the true reason but a cheating guy is more liable to get caught than a cheating girl.
Do We Really Hate Cheating?
I think we are all hypocrites. I was reading about Tiger Woods recently and I got irate. He had one extramarital affair and was crucified for it, losing millions of dollars in sponsorship as many companies dropped him. I began to wonder, isn’t it the same world I’m living in? The same world where infidelity is seemingly a norm? I’m not justifying him, I’m just wondering… do we really hate cheating.
When I asked a collection of female friends if they had ever cheated on someone, it was almost a plural no. But then when I reconstructed the question to: have you ever intimated with someone in another relationship? The answers changed for most.
So the wondering continues. We easily allow our lust to flourish, happily let someone cheat on his/her mate with us and yet we get angry when we ourselves or someone we know is cheated on?
I don’t even know what I’m trying to point out here, but maybe you do.
I’m not trying to promote cheating or defend it… Not at all. I’m just trying to understand it, and maybe you should try too.
Can One Overcome Lust?
Oh yes! It’s totally possible. Of course it takes a strong will and determination, but then again, what in this hard life doesn’t take determination? People have survived, overcoming lust for years till it becomes so subdued it barely exists. People like you and I.
So, dear reader, don’t settle for a cheating partner. Don’t be comfortable with it just cause I’ve been talking all day on how it’s a normal thing. True love exists! Relationships should have exclusive benefits, no one should settle for less.
Ah our final pointer for today which is also our topic…
How To Know A Cheat
How do you know if you’re being cheated on?
How to know a cheat?
How the hell would I know that?
And oh yes, I’m back! Sorry for staying so long away.